i am so proud to have these pictures. i know someday, when i am 60 years old, i´ll look back at these and tell, "dayymm i look hawt!"... haha! kidding aside, i never thought this pregnancy will be a breeze. but thanks to all your kind words, aside from the vomiting part, this is the best experience i have or will ever have pre-motherhood times. i am so glad that you can be part of that chapter and i hope you continue to be with me in the next days. this blog may not be all about clothes anymore, i hope you still read and share your thoughts!we did these at her house not a studio and that´s me laughing, as they told me i am on the wrong side. you are not supposed to see that clothes pin holding that piece of cloth! lol

and this one was because the boyf was doing all those funny faces as he thought the camera was not yet rolling. he´s camera shy by the way! you could tell. peace!

p.s. the photo shoot was so fun, and i will never have done it thanks to you pam and sandra! you rocked! although this was soo akward (taking my clothes off and stuff) you made it easier and the results are exactly what i expected them. thanks to pam and sandra! woot to both of u!

after reading posts from my girls kitten and pammy, i decided to write my own personal entry to what this blog means to me. so if you´re not up for drama, you might as well close this window and go on with your surfing. i would understand.

my life story in a nutshell:

it all started when i decided to marry. at age 19.
i decided to quit school as i was just on the peak of it. i was studying chemical engineering at ateneo (a very prestigious school in the philippines). i know for others it´s like no big deal, but my mother worked her ass off in england as a nurse (yeah that´s the only way you can send your children to prestigious schools in the phils. if you´re not a son of a businessman or a politician). i was a dean´s lister, that was my way of showing gratitude. everybody was against my decision. but knowing me, if i set my mind into something, i will do everything to get it. i thought even at my young age, i am capable of making right decisions. my german boyfriend had it all figured out. i am gonna come to him in germany, study the language and then continue with my studies. sounds like a plan. and a dream come true. it was such a fairy tale. there was one point there that i thought it will end up, happily ever after.

so fast forward, i arrived in germany. i saw snow. wow. (that´s a common gag among us in the philippines, we all want to go abroad to see snow.)


but then all the different problems came. i won´t go into details but it ended up badly. so bad that i was confined in the hospital and must give a police report. two separate incidents. that would now explain for my on going divorce. my fairy tale just shattered before my very eyes. and what´s worse was, that i was more afraid to tell my parents that i´m getting one as the fact that i am getting divorced. i was so embarrassed to have failed my family. even more embarrassed as failing myself. then they told me to come back to my country and i shall continue school. i almost wanted to go back. almost. my time alone was so scary and painful that i went to bed and woke up in the morning with tears in my eyes. but since i decided to stay, i had to pretend i was fine. i decided to pack my bags and go somewhere else, far away from the people i thought my family here was. a friend i met at my german class offered her 1 room apartment to share with me. then i looked for a job with my broken german. at that point, i didn´t care if i would have to clean toilets or bake bread. because the savings i had while i was still with my husband was disappearing like bubbles each day. anything would have sufficed. so h&m contacted me for an interview. that went pretty weird. i memorized my perfect german line from my handy dandy dictionary, i could still remember it was something like, give me a chance and you will never regret it. so they took me. the day i received my first pay, was the day i moved to my own one room apartment. it was all like a drama series for me. i never thought it would happen to me in real life. i worked hard. and shopped hard. haha. so my inclination with h&m is not only because i like their clothes, but because they gave me hope. in fact the only one who gave me strength when everybody i thought was turning their backs on me.

i worked hard. i swallowed my pride and worked hard. another fact: in the philippines, salesladies are looked down upon. they´re the people who can´t afford school and too sutpid to get into a real job. they´re girls who are overly smeared with make-up and wear the wrong shades of stockings. well that was my impression of them before. now i have a new-found respect for these girls and the work they´re doing. because now i am one of them. minus the make-up and the stockings. i was earning an amount i would have just dreamed of in my own country working as an engineer. so after some months, i was promoted part-time to full-time. i was so proud of myself.

but then my visa expired. as if my troubles would never end. because my marriage was shorter than two years, they can´t give me a new visa so the embassy told me to go back to the philippines. which i would soo not. i went to a lawyer and appealed my case. he managed to get me my new visa for a sum i was able to pay in two months. legal fees here are craaazzzyy.
then came christmas, my birthday and new year. that was the loneliest time of my life to date. no amount of food or gifts could have made up for that loneliness. though i was with a friend´s family, it was not the same. i spent 19 years of christmas in the philippines and that´s just a whole different story. but santa gave me a very special gift to make up for the sad christmas i had. a boyfriend. i never thought i would love again. given what i have been through, i could have been easily a man hater for life or a lesbo. but it was so different. isn´t it everytime? long story short, we are now living together and expecting a baby this september.

so this blog may just be a blog to you, but to me it´s my journal. my diary. except that it´s not locked. it´s open for everybody to see and read. i have nothing to hide. my outfit posts or my look-what-i´ve-bought posts are somehow my call to the world that my life is well now. i can afford to buy things i like, from money that i so worked hard for. and that my style has something to do with all the things i have experienced here. YOU are all part of all the places i have been to,
of all the new things i have learned and of all the challenges i have managed to surpass. to the very small group of people who had been reading my humble blog, thank you. you just don´t realize how much the lovely and sincere comments you´ve been leaving me, make my day. i would love to show this blog to my baby, MIGUEL, yes that´s gonna be his name, when he´s old enough to read, so that he´ll know how much this blog had helped me get on with my life as i was very close to giving up.
so i´m gonna wrap this up, and say, to all the people who had emailed me about my ABOUT ME in the blog, this one´s for you. i am no hero to inspire, but if i did in any way, i am thankful. my fairy tale could still come true after all.


p.s.: sorry for the bore.

is the day i learned that you were growing inside me.

you washed away all my fears, the day you started kicking.

you introduced me to an all new aspect of happiness, the day you looked at me in that small monitor.

please come out healthy and brave, that's all i ask of you.

i will take good care of you, care for you and love you unconditionally.

i can't wait to see you.