What This Blog Means to Me..

after reading posts from my girls kitten and pammy, i decided to write my own personal entry to what this blog means to me. so if you´re not up for drama, you might as well close this window and go on with your surfing. i would understand.

my life story in a nutshell:

it all started when i decided to marry. at age 19.
i decided to quit school as i was just on the peak of it. i was studying chemical engineering at ateneo (a very prestigious school in the philippines). i know for others it´s like no big deal, but my mother worked her ass off in england as a nurse (yeah that´s the only way you can send your children to prestigious schools in the phils. if you´re not a son of a businessman or a politician). i was a dean´s lister, that was my way of showing gratitude. everybody was against my decision. but knowing me, if i set my mind into something, i will do everything to get it. i thought even at my young age, i am capable of making right decisions. my german boyfriend had it all figured out. i am gonna come to him in germany, study the language and then continue with my studies. sounds like a plan. and a dream come true. it was such a fairy tale. there was one point there that i thought it will end up, happily ever after.

so fast forward, i arrived in germany. i saw snow. wow. (that´s a common gag among us in the philippines, we all want to go abroad to see snow.)

i first had difficulty with the language. i did not understand a thing. my poor 2 week german course in the philippines was a waste of time and money. and my busy husband had no time or patience whatsoever to help me. so i was enrolled in an intensive german class, and boy did i learn fast. in a span of 6 months i could speak crooked german.
my german class

but then all the different problems came. i won´t go into details but it ended up badly. so bad that i was confined in the hospital and must give a police report. two separate incidents. that would now explain for my on going divorce. my fairy tale just shattered before my very eyes. and what´s worse was, that i was more afraid to tell my parents that i´m getting one as the fact that i am getting divorced. i was so embarrassed to have failed my family. even more embarrassed as failing myself. then they told me to come back to my country and i shall continue school. i almost wanted to go back. almost. my time alone was so scary and painful that i went to bed and woke up in the morning with tears in my eyes. but since i decided to stay, i had to pretend i was fine. i decided to pack my bags and go somewhere else, far away from the people i thought my family here was. a friend i met at my german class offered her 1 room apartment to share with me. then i looked for a job with my broken german. at that point, i didn´t care if i would have to clean toilets or bake bread. because the savings i had while i was still with my husband was disappearing like bubbles each day. anything would have sufficed. so h&m contacted me for an interview. that went pretty weird. i memorized my perfect german line from my handy dandy dictionary, i could still remember it was something like, give me a chance and you will never regret it. so they took me. the day i received my first pay, was the day i moved to my own one room apartment. it was all like a drama series for me. i never thought it would happen to me in real life. i worked hard. and shopped hard. haha. so my inclination with h&m is not only because i like their clothes, but because they gave me hope. in fact the only one who gave me strength when everybody i thought was turning their backs on me.

i worked hard. i swallowed my pride and worked hard. another fact: in the philippines, salesladies are looked down upon. they´re the people who can´t afford school and too sutpid to get into a real job. they´re girls who are overly smeared with make-up and wear the wrong shades of stockings. well that was my impression of them before. now i have a new-found respect for these girls and the work they´re doing. because now i am one of them. minus the make-up and the stockings. i was earning an amount i would have just dreamed of in my own country working as an engineer. so after some months, i was promoted part-time to full-time. i was so proud of myself.

but then my visa expired. as if my troubles would never end. because my marriage was shorter than two years, they can´t give me a new visa so the embassy told me to go back to the philippines. which i would soo not. i went to a lawyer and appealed my case. he managed to get me my new visa for a sum i was able to pay in two months. legal fees here are craaazzzyy.
then came christmas, my birthday and new year. that was the loneliest time of my life to date. no amount of food or gifts could have made up for that loneliness. though i was with a friend´s family, it was not the same. i spent 19 years of christmas in the philippines and that´s just a whole different story. but santa gave me a very special gift to make up for the sad christmas i had. a boyfriend. i never thought i would love again. given what i have been through, i could have been easily a man hater for life or a lesbo. but it was so different. isn´t it everytime? long story short, we are now living together and expecting a baby this september.

so this blog may just be a blog to you, but to me it´s my journal. my diary. except that it´s not locked. it´s open for everybody to see and read. i have nothing to hide. my outfit posts or my look-what-i´ve-bought posts are somehow my call to the world that my life is well now. i can afford to buy things i like, from money that i so worked hard for. and that my style has something to do with all the things i have experienced here. YOU are all part of all the places i have been to,
of all the new things i have learned and of all the challenges i have managed to surpass. to the very small group of people who had been reading my humble blog, thank you. you just don´t realize how much the lovely and sincere comments you´ve been leaving me, make my day. i would love to show this blog to my baby, MIGUEL, yes that´s gonna be his name, when he´s old enough to read, so that he´ll know how much this blog had helped me get on with my life as i was very close to giving up.
so i´m gonna wrap this up, and say, to all the people who had emailed me about my ABOUT ME in the blog, this one´s for you. i am no hero to inspire, but if i did in any way, i am thankful. my fairy tale could still come true after all.


p.s.: sorry for the bore.

40 comments:

  1. du hast echt eine krasse lebensgeschichte, um so mehr gönnt man dir das happy end!

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  2. No bore! I think life stories are the most interesting. It is baffling how many stories lie behind one person, that you see, and you think you know (of course, I do not know you really, I am speaking generally, too), and then actually you do not know a bit about him or her.

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  3. GREAT DRESS!!
    Thank you sweetie, for the comment.
    Have a fab weekend! <3

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  4. oh wow, this story really touched me..
    you have alot of courage and i admire that.
    ich hoffe dass du sehr glucklig bleibt, or something, my german is really bad.

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  5. hi dear! :) im glad we inspired u to post ur story here.. i mean, i didnt really planned to share my story, but somehow, too much superficiality is starting to 'bore' me at this times when my mind is wandering too much.. i feel like i need to let it out or ill suffocate.. haha. and like u, i started blogging when im far from home.. so i cud remember what happened then.. :):)

    damn u ateneo dean's lister! haha (sorry im ur green frenemy). im proud of you, and happy that ur having a baby! i know for most of us flips, we look down on people who married/lived abroad to get better opportunities.. and if i was the same pam 8 yrs ago.. i wud prolly say, "eeew this girl".. but u know, im living with diff. kinds of people here, and most of them left their family too (and i just left my glamorous, bratty life) so it made me realize how 'blessed' i am.. & really, i cud just understand their pain, ur pain.. but ur in h&m, so ur excused! haha.. :):)

    im happy that ur good now. & seldom do we meet people who are as open-minded like this at home (ugh, the judgmental society we have!) and.. may u have more blessings! :) the baby is just a start..! xoxo

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  6. its not a bore at all! your story has really touched me and i'm so glad your life is going well now :) i think you're a great inspiration and i can't wait to see the photos of baby miguel in his cute apple green outfits!

    love,
    kay.

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  7. its not a bore at all! your story has really touched me and i'm so glad your life is going well now :) i think you're a great inspiration and i can't wait to see the photos of baby miguel in his cute apple green outfits!

    love,
    kay.

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  8. I loved reading this post ( not a bore at all)...In a way I can relate as to what it is like to be away from home in a new country lonely.I moved to Canada from Ukraine with my parents when I was nine ( almost 11 years ago)...although I can here with my parents, I never felt more alone... the language, the people, everything was weird.Even now I still feel "different" from my friend who were born here.Although I go back to Ukraine every year, it no longer feels like home... P.S. I am learning German now and boy is it harder than English was. By the way,the wedding photo is beautiful :)

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  9. Hat mich total berührt, und es hat sich keiner gelangweilt.

    Ich wünsche dir alles Gute, mach weiter so und bleib so...bei dir sieht man, dass alles wieder gut wird!!!

    Karin

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  10. that's a tough story. Very touching and I have so much respect that you went through all this crappy and now finally found your luck, hope and happiness.

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  11. oh definitely not a bore.. your story was touching and shows how strong you have been in your life.. you are more of an inspiration than you know. here's to a happy ending!

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  12. Wow. What a phenomenal story, you definately gave me chills. Thank you so much for spilling your tale to me and the world - you are such a wonderfully kind and beautiful person who has experienced a whole lot of hardships, but still is able to smile for the beautiful things you have at the end of the day.

    It's a real pleasure knowing you and knowing this about you. Definitely makes me feel much closer to you, no matter how far away we are from each other. Thank you for being so graciously supportive of me, too - you really do make my day.

    xo

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  13. after reading your story, i was deeply touched. you are such a strong and tough girl! i wish you well in the coming future, which i believe you WILL BE!!!

    lots of wishes!
    xx

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  14. @mode-junkie: thanks for your kind words at my blog. I meant "crap" the part of going the hospital and police report. I can imagine better days than this. But as you said it made you strong and independent, now with a happy end :)

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  15. ich wusste es von anfang an, seit dem ersten mal als ich hier war, du bist toll! :-)

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  16. i really like your blog, never think it's boring, it's the opposite, imo...what you wrote touched me..thank you for sharing with us ur private lifestory... :.)

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  17. Gar nicht langweilig, sondern der beste Eintrag in diesem Blog meiner Meinung nach! Ich habe mich schon oft gefragt, wie man so viel Zeit in Outfits investieren kann.

    Liebes Gruessle aus St Petersburg,
    Anna

    PS: Miguel ist doch ein netter Name :) Aber euch ist klar, dass Miguel gleich Michael ist, nur halt spanisch? Und der Zweitname?

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  18. i sort of guessed your backstory from reading your blog for awhile, but it's really courageous for you to sum it all in this entry. thanks for the story, it's inspiring!

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  19. hi sweetie :) how are u?
    btw im going home soon.. *sigh*
    u want anything from home? :)

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  20. psst.. i left a comment in my blog! mwah! xoxo

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  21. Your story is really interesting. You are so brave! Congrats on the upcoming baby . . . you and your boyfriend must be so excited!

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  22. How have you been, sweetie? :) Just checking up on you.

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  23. that was amazing, i admire you for going through so much but yet staying so independent and strong!

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  24. what a beautiful name for your baby! You really are an inspiration....Wonderful blog..keep writig..keep sharing! =)

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  25. "... h&m is not only because i like their clothes, but because they gave me hope..."

    Sehr interessante Aussage! Deine Geschichte hat mich schon etwas berührt. Ich wünsche dir und deiner kleinen Famile nur das Beste.

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  26. THANKS EVERYONE FOR ALL YOUR LOVELY COMMENTS. I HOPE EVERYBODY RECEIVED MY INDIVIDUAL COMMENTS BACK TO YOUR BLOG.

    you´re all so wonderful for being part of this little blog. i surely don´t have a huge mass of readers but you, my small group of friends, satisfy me. thanks for taking time and spending some minutes in reading to all my musings and sometimes nonsense posts. i love you all. :)

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  27. wow. i commend you for putting this up and sharing it with us bloggers. when i got the the divorce part and the police report part i got so worried! i am really glad it's all worked out for you. i definitely understand the vast difference between living here and abroad. it must have been so tough being on your own but it's made you into the beautiful person that you are now. thanks for sharing your fairy tale <3

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  28. i almost cried.ur a natural blogger.so proud of u..

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  29. I just came across your blog and read your story. Wow, what a lot you've been through in such at short time, at such a young age. I wish you well in your new scenario! K

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  30. I only came across your blog today, and since I'm a weirdo and I actually like to READ fashion blogs and not only browse thru the pics, I've read your story. This is gonna be more than cliche what I'm about to say now, but I think you're an amazing person. All the best for you!

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  31. im really glad i stumbled upon your site. your story is truly inspiring. congratulations(soon to be) with the new member of your family. sending my best regards from manila!

    xoxox

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  32. Hi! I'm also from the Philippines and from Ateneo. I stumbled upon your blog and read your story. I think that it truly takes a lot of courage and even more strength to go through what you have gone. :)

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  33. That was all so inspirational!
    It's only after you go through a storm that you start to appreciate life.
    Your baby is amazingly cute!

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  34. You are amazing, I am truly in love with your spirit. What you went through was awful, but I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and Im sure you would do it all over again to have your boyfriend and son. You are such an inspiration. I might not know you, but reading your story makes me incredibly proud of you.

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  35. Love your blog !!! Really do !!!

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  36. Hi sweetie! Of course I knew that you had a bad start here in Germany (as really many other poor pinays have) and it touched me soo much as I got to know the gravity!

    My mom visited ataneo as well and I can absolutely comprehend what you gave up with following this guy to Germany. I´m overjoyed that your life made a u-turn.

    Although we´re spatially devided, I bizarrely feel related to you.
    Don´t worry, we´ll kick opponents´ ass together when it´s necessary.

    You are my favourite blogette, girl! xoxo

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  37. so very inspiring. the crazy things us girls do for LOVE! thanks for sharing your story.

    www.glocalgirl.com

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  38. Galing! I love the honesty. We kind of have the same story but like you all is well now with me too. I came across your blog, I forgot where and how but I think there's a deeper reason why. Thanks for sharing your story.

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  39. Thanks for sharing your story! It's really inspiring and I'm really glad I found your blog!

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